Catching Up
I haven't written for such a long time, that I almost decided not to post again. But, that would defeat my original purpose so, I will not attempt to catch up every detail of the last 2 months, but rather just describe how I am doing today.
Last Thursday, January 12, I had the 6th of the 8 chemotherapy sessions scheduled. This has been an arduous experience. There have been some days that seemed almost normal and there have been many others that have been difficult and certainly harder than I expected. I have had a number of side effect issues including nausea, vomiting, continuous runny nose, coughing, and now, in the second half of chemo, difficulties with severe pain. I have a large number of drugs on hand to deal with each of the problems and sometime I think my body is becoming just a big toxic soup.
I have tried to have a good attitude and for the most part I have been successful. There have been times when I did feel discouraged and quite sorry for myself, but overall I think I have been hopeful and cheerful to most people. If I have had irritable and selfish times, mostly poor Craig has been the one to see and experience it.
I have continued working, not always easy to do. But, my co-workers are friends and their support has been important. Several of the nurses have been especially valuable to discuss symptoms, problems, and give big doses of sympathy. I have also valued the sense of purpose and accomplishment in getting tasks done and in fulfilling my role in the department. I need to keep trying to do that so that I do not adopt a "invalid" mentality.
Energy is a problem though. Sometimes I just feel incredibly tired. More than I ever thought I would. It is both a mental and physical exhaustion. Of course, sleep has not really been good through this period, again from a combination of mental and physical causes. It is hard to get good rest when you cough all the time. I pray that it is stopping now. Mentally, I get tired being a patient or sick person all the time.
Many, many wonderful things continue to happen. Through the holidays I had numerous kind and generous gestures, gifts, and cards. Kindness has been the most wonderful gift of the last few months. I have accepted greatefully and I hope, gracefully. I know I have never taken these kind moments for granted and will always cherish the memory of the people who have served me and shared their generosity.
There is still more treatment to endure. Two more chemo sessions and then radiation. I hear different stories of other patient's experiences so I just don't know what to expect. I am trying to be prepared for anything. Mostly I look forward to spring, to May and sunshine. I want to clean the house thoroughly, buy a bike and ride along the canal, find a place to sit in the sun and read a good book, eat a bowl of custard from Abbott's, have energy, feel my hair start to grow again, see flowers, watch birds, and do ordinary things in extraordinary ways.
Last Thursday, January 12, I had the 6th of the 8 chemotherapy sessions scheduled. This has been an arduous experience. There have been some days that seemed almost normal and there have been many others that have been difficult and certainly harder than I expected. I have had a number of side effect issues including nausea, vomiting, continuous runny nose, coughing, and now, in the second half of chemo, difficulties with severe pain. I have a large number of drugs on hand to deal with each of the problems and sometime I think my body is becoming just a big toxic soup.
I have tried to have a good attitude and for the most part I have been successful. There have been times when I did feel discouraged and quite sorry for myself, but overall I think I have been hopeful and cheerful to most people. If I have had irritable and selfish times, mostly poor Craig has been the one to see and experience it.
I have continued working, not always easy to do. But, my co-workers are friends and their support has been important. Several of the nurses have been especially valuable to discuss symptoms, problems, and give big doses of sympathy. I have also valued the sense of purpose and accomplishment in getting tasks done and in fulfilling my role in the department. I need to keep trying to do that so that I do not adopt a "invalid" mentality.
Energy is a problem though. Sometimes I just feel incredibly tired. More than I ever thought I would. It is both a mental and physical exhaustion. Of course, sleep has not really been good through this period, again from a combination of mental and physical causes. It is hard to get good rest when you cough all the time. I pray that it is stopping now. Mentally, I get tired being a patient or sick person all the time.
Many, many wonderful things continue to happen. Through the holidays I had numerous kind and generous gestures, gifts, and cards. Kindness has been the most wonderful gift of the last few months. I have accepted greatefully and I hope, gracefully. I know I have never taken these kind moments for granted and will always cherish the memory of the people who have served me and shared their generosity.
There is still more treatment to endure. Two more chemo sessions and then radiation. I hear different stories of other patient's experiences so I just don't know what to expect. I am trying to be prepared for anything. Mostly I look forward to spring, to May and sunshine. I want to clean the house thoroughly, buy a bike and ride along the canal, find a place to sit in the sun and read a good book, eat a bowl of custard from Abbott's, have energy, feel my hair start to grow again, see flowers, watch birds, and do ordinary things in extraordinary ways.
posted by Mary @ 10:52 AM
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