Healing and Building Strength

I don't know why I haven't made an entry for almost 2 weeks. Perhaps the business of healing and then getting back to work took all my energy and thought.

Healing is going well. The incisions are not painful, although sometimes irritating. Finally I can take off my bra without getting an ache. When I saw the doctor 3 days ago, Wedsnesday, she drained 3 vials of fluid from my healing breast. She said the accumulation of fluid is called a seroma. The fluid is mostly made up of serum (I think) the clear fluid that is in the blood. There was some blood also in this fluid. After this was removed, the bulge where the tissue was removed was smaller and the site was not as sore. This is the fluid that collects in out of drains that some women have after surgery. I did not have drains. The plastic "tape" over the incisions is starting to peel off my skin, but I am too chicken to pull it off. I will just wait for it to become more detached and for the skin to heal more. When I first looked at the incisions, they caused me a little lurch of fear, but now I am becoming accustomed to the site of these two red lines on my body. I know that in time they will just be barely noticeable white lines. It's just going to take awhile.

Dr. A. carefully reviewed the surgical pathology report with me. The results that she gave me on the day of surgery are confirmed. The margins of tissue surrounding the tumor were clear of cancer cells and so were the 4 lymph nodes that were removed. The report describes the size of the removed tissues. The tumor was 2.2 cm, putting just over the boundary between Stage 1 and Stage 2. Dr. A. explained that this 4 stage system is old and not very useful because Stage 2 can define anything from a smaller tumor (like mine) to a 5 cm tumor and anything from no lymph node involvement to very many lynph nodes involved. They are working on a better classification system. Doesn't matter much to me now. She said she would call my case an early stage 2.

Still, she did prepare me for a strong chemotherapy recommendation from the medical oncologist whom I will be seeing on October 12. The size, the characteristics, and my age all are factors in making chemotherapy a good option. Surgery seems to have done all that it could. Now addition therapies will be helpful to give me the best chance for a long, breast cancer free life.

I was surprised, really, at how well and easily the surgery part of treatment went. Pain was only mild to moderate and I got back to normal in a week. I still do not feel that I am "sick." I feel extremely grateful for this outcome. I am trying not to be pessimistic, but I do wonder if the chemo and radiation that are to come in the future will actually be the more difficult phases of treatment.

Chemotherapy is poison. I heard someone describe it as being taken to the edge of death, killing every rapidly dividing cell in the body, before pulling back and considering that the cancer cells have eliminated. Even then, there is alway a chance that it will return. Sometimes that does happen. Going into surgery I knew that I could do that. I've had surgery before. Chemotherapy will something else. I've never been poisoned. I wonder if I can go through the experience well.

Yesterday, at work, I sudenly felt intense nausea and vomited. Then I got aches and fatigue. I have no explanation for the event. Felt fine up until the moment it happened. Just a little dizzy and then nausea. Will that be like chemotherapy? I think that I have, in my "mature years" become more susceptible to nausea. I dread that feeling. Never having had morning sickness, it is not a frequent experience for me. A couple of times a year, but very discomforting.

I need to keep building up my spiritual strength and faith. I may need to call more on my inner reserves in the next phase of treatment.

So, no it seems like I am in intermission. Act I is over and Act II is about to begin.